Five things Chaddis must do to avoid being mocked at by anti-nationals

The whole JNU and anti-national row has sparked new exchanges between Chaddis and anti-chaddis, both group resorting to the formulaic tools of resistance namely posting banners on Facebook, writing blogs, poems, tweets and so on. The cruel elitist anti-chaddi brigade like always is busy pointing out loopholes in the Chaddi antics. Below are a few tips the Chaddis must embrace in order to be able to stop the foul-mouthed know-it-all anti-nationals:

1. Use spell-check - you are a brave soldier of our Mahan Bharat and a loyal child of our Bharat Maata. Don't let your grammar or the lack of it stand in the way of your noble cause. Just because you don't know a few spellings doesn't mean your love for your country can be mocked upon by a bunch of beefeating anti-nationals.
2. Hire photoshop artists - you'll often come across photos that can be altered to suit your purpose better. For instance, there is a photo of a congregation of a few Muslim men and they're seen holding up certain slogan banners. If you were to change those banners into Pakistani flags, you must do it flawlessly. Also, you must choose a not so widely circulated photo so that nit picking anti-nationals are unable to relate the edited version to the original.
3. Stay away from the camera - though your leader has taught you stare and smile at the camera every time you spot one, it is not a smart move at all times. For instance, you want a group of your co-activists to shout 'Pakistan zindabad' slogan. You must make sure, the same group is never seen waving your flags/banners before the camera ever again. 
4. Stay away from Bhagat Singh - as much of a patriot this Mr Singh was, he didn't have good things to say about Hindutva and Chaddism. He was a socialist and a non-believer. So, just stick to Savarkar and Shyamaprasad.
5. Don't quote - for a person who doesn't read books, the internet can be sometimes be a good source of information. But the problem with quotations is, if you are unable to differentiate a wrong quote from the right one, you are most likely to end up in a sticky situation; and the internet unfortunately is full of them. Let your own patriotic rhetoric take centre stage. Don't allow anti-nationals to poke fun at your general ignorance.